Listening: Amy Winehouse- Wake Up Alone
Mood: drained
why?: READ lol
So I broke up with my boyfriend.
Idk man. My mind is running a mile a minute at ALL TIMES since July 30th. When I say I loved him (& I still do), I mean that with all of my heart. Our relationship was so good & I fucked it up. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted nothing whatsoever to do with me & I don't blame him for that. The pain I feel is almost unbearable. I even called last night because I already missed the late night comversations. I've been filling my time with unnecessary things, like trying to go any & everywhere & even playing the X-Box. But it's the time when I'm alone in my room & my thoughts start to take over. Thinking about the talk leading up to me making the decision to let it go. Thinking about the weight that lifted off my shoulders. Then thinking about the way he says things, his kisses through the phone, the way he said "I love you too"...it makes me think "Damn, I should have tried to talk it out. Tell him what I was feeling. Maybe, just maybe, I put this all on myself." It's easy to break up with a person you have lost feelings for, but what if your feelings are still burning hot? It's the hardest thing to endure. I still think & talk about him like we're still together, then I think "OH YEAH! We're over." That is when the tears flow. That's when I feel the hole in my chest. That is when the sour taste of regret creeps up. Yummy =/. I could say "I'm sorry" to him a million & one times, if I hurt him. But I'm slowly becoming more content with the fact that he may not want me anymore. It's hard, but I'll be ok, i guess. This post is long, but I haven't even spilled half of my soul. I'll ttyl
xoxo
Jupiter
Idk man. My mind is running a mile a minute at ALL TIMES since July 30th. When I say I loved him (& I still do), I mean that with all of my heart. Our relationship was so good & I fucked it up. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted nothing whatsoever to do with me & I don't blame him for that. The pain I feel is almost unbearable. I even called last night because I already missed the late night comversations. I've been filling my time with unnecessary things, like trying to go any & everywhere & even playing the X-Box. But it's the time when I'm alone in my room & my thoughts start to take over. Thinking about the talk leading up to me making the decision to let it go. Thinking about the weight that lifted off my shoulders. Then thinking about the way he says things, his kisses through the phone, the way he said "I love you too"...it makes me think "Damn, I should have tried to talk it out. Tell him what I was feeling. Maybe, just maybe, I put this all on myself." It's easy to break up with a person you have lost feelings for, but what if your feelings are still burning hot? It's the hardest thing to endure. I still think & talk about him like we're still together, then I think "OH YEAH! We're over." That is when the tears flow. That's when I feel the hole in my chest. That is when the sour taste of regret creeps up. Yummy =/. I could say "I'm sorry" to him a million & one times, if I hurt him. But I'm slowly becoming more content with the fact that he may not want me anymore. It's hard, but I'll be ok, i guess. This post is long, but I haven't even spilled half of my soul. I'll ttyl
xoxo
Jupiter
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